In my considerably pathetic attempt for wisdom, I set aside Friday. Now I can’t think of why. Reversal of fortune, too soon to tell. I’ve been alone in my head too many days now. I’m starting to get a bit wierd again. I’ve found my bottle of random raver drugs and I think if I don’t go out tonight, I’m going to start looking at it a little bit more speculatively than I care to currently admit. I’m almost certain it’s cocaine in the gelcap.
The internet can tell me what to do with them.
It’s another week before I get to go dancing. A long seven day countdown before SinCity.
Ethan was kind enough to messenger me. Hero tonight at seven. I’ve already seen it, but oh the beauty. I can go see it again. It stops my mind. The tumoult ends for just that moment of crimson and gold and Now. Silken folds clamouring in graceful sheets of rippling movement. oh . so . slowly . The theater in it is tangible. It’s like watching music elegantly unfold. It made me think of Bill, the way he moved when he was singing sometimes. Right there, in the thick of it, lost with his eyes closed. Chestnut hair for a mahogany voice.
Yeah – he’s never yet called back.
For months I’ve been trying to get myself back. Tear myself from strange dependance. I need an invitation to the world. I’ve been disconnected. Black and almost hitting the high C. I don’t know how to interact anymore. You know where to find me. I’m always at the computer, just corner of your eye. Hit me now, please. Bare your fangs and sink them in.
I don’t know if I’ll go tonight. I’m feeling fey. More than I feel free to inflict on anyone. Nightmare laughter curling out to lash blood. Lick these lips like a pained cat.