cross your fingers and make a wish

A quarter to having to go to work and I’m still being kept up at night. Left over hey you, I don’t think so, let’s not talk. It feels like sitting at a crowded bar alone. It’s too bad I don’t drink. In these shoes, it’s not like I could spin on my heel. One by one, these secrets come in and roost. Little feathered weights that never fly away. Rocks to throw into the ocean that crawl home to sleep in the lungs at night. I want another trip to Seattle, another shot at visiting the Roq La Rue gallery, another day with my hands on brushed steel, but most importantly, six hours trapped in a car with someone I could talk to. Victoria’s a chance too, closer and with places to stay overnight. There are beds there that would welcome me and whomever I brought with me. I float in an interesting sea. Mishka’s birthday was recently, I should bring her something. Nicholas had his heart trapped, I should shake her hand. There are reasons, social outings, let’s sit on this tiny piece of seawall and look at the water, just like everywhere else with a shore. I’m carrying polished stones, let me carve my name upon them. Let me pretend I can believe in my silent stories.

Speaking feels like thorns pricking my tongue. It’s dizzying. I can’t focus on anything important to me. There are skeins of words waiting for me, but I can’t untangle my fingers from the knots I made when I spun basic dried straw into gold. Desire’s a powerful thing, I’d like to let some out to play, but first I have to collect it like dew in a leaf before dawn, else the charm won’t charm, the curiosity will prove itself to be a wretched liar.

From thenowhere:

Calling all everyones out there.
I’m going to turn off IP logging.
Then I’m gonna turn on screening.

You know what your part is?

Anonymously Comment. That way the world can read your secret with me. I don’t want to share something with everyone if you thought you were only sharing it with me.

Tell me a secret. A nasty, awful, atrocious secret. And it really ought to be yours, though since things will be anonymous, eh, who can tell? Name no names, simply because if your secret involves anyone else, it’s not just your secret to tell. I’m going to screen the replies to this one, only because I don’t wanna see a flame war about someone going ‘ZOMFG U R TEH SICKOO!!!!1’

You have a hundred thousand chances in a lifetime to confess your fears and your weaknesses, but you rarely see them. So I’m pointing one out, right here, right now.

Tell the whole world that secret. Let it out.

anonymous commenting fixed.

today someone called me by my middle name

Alto Firenze!
Originally uploaded by Iv0/0vi.

Traffic at this time of the morning is mostly trains. Heavy rumbles of solid metal thunder grumbling too far away to hear properly, fog horns mournful through the record scratch sound of violent heavy rain. If I were to speak, my voice would be a surprising sound, something too big for the space of my hearing to encompass without setting off a quickened heartbeat.

Even my music is off.

Ryan is asleep and recovering from being mildly ill. This was ostensibly to be his last day at work, but they decided to have him on a couple more days before his contract with them runs out. Hours are welcome, he says, and I believe him. We are young and finances not bright. The jobs we have are tenuous, the jobs we have [are/our] small grinding wheels. I don’t have the skills to find myself something better and currently it seems he doesn’t have the will.

  • Red blood cells fitted with artificial tails.
    (quicktime here).

    Respirocytes – Designing an Artificial Red Cell.

    Concern is dawning.