There is no public face.

What’s this scar, I ask, a finger touching his body somewhere the skin is pale and slightly warped, maybe damp, warm from a shower. A crowbar, he says, or a computer case. Something fell, a knife slipped, there is a different explanation for every twisted mark. The disfiguring slice that runs up his thumb, the white curl that runs around the top of his right foot. I am collecting each story, building a narrative, assembling a picture of his body through history. Actions, reactions. Attacked, sleeping somewhere he shouldn’t. Carving a fall through the air, a parachute failure from fourty stories up.

“What would you do if I cut my hair?” “Could I have it?” “That’s not at all what I asked.”

He looks through me like a strange mirror, the reflection off by a fraction. In the deepest center of things, the beginning of a spark. We map territory almost the same, drawing conclusions at an almost cellular level, uncanny and intimately familiar, a dance I’ve never had a partner for, though I long ago conquered the steps. Even as I dig for bones, there is a return archeology, a chemical reaction that burns through skin down to the raw, bloody, hard and honest, that knack of knowing without necessarily knowing why, the same way that when we’re asleep, we unconsciously hold hands in the dark.

I just tried one of the chocolates. My breath stopped.

365:2011/01/01 - twenty:eleven
  • Assorted books for sale – $5
  • Assorted books for sale – $10
  • Lunchboxes, toys, costumes, dvd/vcr – $5-$80

    Today I came home in a bit of a mood, thwarted and unhappy in some very deep places, but what should arrive but a completely unexpected and flat out amazing package from Karen of Strange Horizons. Not a surprise in the usual sense, as she sent me a note about it yesterday, asking if I had received anything from her in the mail, expected due date somewhere the back of December, but because we sadly presumed it to be lost in transit. Yet, to whatever caused the delay, I can only thank it. There could be no better timing. She has an exquisite grace about her that I devoutly admire, mesmerizing even over long distances, and it bleeds into her gifts, which are so sweet and clever as to make me cry, two years now in a row. There’s nothing else like it in my life.

    So though my morning may have started with an ache tightly, bitterly laced to my heart, since I’ve opened the cardboard box to discover it packed full of pretty, delicate paper and shiny hand-curled ribbons in my favourite colours and read her card, scented with sugar and lemon and love, I feel so grateful and vulnerable that if I were to leave the house, I would cover up my face. (Can’t go around blinding people, after all. Pretty sure that’s against the rules.)

    It’s amazing to be reminded so perfectly that though I’m isolated, I’m not alone. Her gifts are witchcraft, sent to foster healing and prevent further harm. Medicine against sadness, (couture chocolates and gourmet mint cocoa), hello kitty for sprains, (a plush ice-pack), sticks and stones to ward off injury from same, (glowsticks and pop rocks), a sweet serum to bring blackbirds back to life, (sugar exfoliant), and one. last. winsome. package. wrapped in turquoise and gold that I am almost afraid to open, because what if my head falls off from awe? Stranger things have happened. Have I mentioned we’ve never met? Stranger things, indeed.

  • Cthulhupalooza II: Son of Cthulhupalooza

    Second Level Wizards Awesome Events Society, a Vancouver not for profit society, is hosting their second H.P. Lovecraft-themed convention and film festival. Join us for a live performance by local Cthulhu rockers The Darkest of the Hillside Thickets with Scythia folk metal, short films from around the world, live burlesque performance by Little Miss Risk, the inaugural Miskatonic Middleschool Annual PTA Bake Sale, (Bake Sale proceeds to BC Children’s Hospital Foundation), and the world premiere of the ‘Thickets newest music video 20 Minutes of Oxygen.

    What: Cthulhupalooza II Lovecraft Convention & Film Fest
    When: Feb 19 2011. Media Welcome (Event Begins 7PM)
    Where: Rickshaw Theatre 254 E Hastings St.
    Details: Tickets are $15 at the door and online at secondlevelwizards.com.

    Celebrate your enthusiasm for forbidden tomes, ancient space gods and eldritch cake by joining us on Feb 19. Prizes for the Miskatonic Middleschool Bake Sale competition are provided by our generous sponsors, entrants should contact us to register at info@secondlevelwizards.com and for rules and regulations. Roaring ’20′s period costume welcome. It’s tentacular!

    Check online at www.cthulhupalooza.com and www.secondlevelwizards.com for more information on Cthulhupalooza II, registration, vendor tables and other details. Sponsored by Kerberos Productions.

    the failed canary in the lightswitch

    And sometimes the night looks like morning, while at other times like rain.

    This past year wasn’t what I wanted. Though there were exquisite moments, beautiful, troubling and lovely, I’ve been left tired and burned out, worn down to the grain. In spite of obscene amounts of effort to the contrary, I remain plagued by chronic debt, injuries, and unemployment, and the haunting suspicion that no matter how hard I fight against these things, it’s possible that I will never escape.

    rationalists

    He turns on the television, flicks through some options, a way to feel useful while too tired to do anything more. On screen, a pornographic backdrop behind the menu, a naked woman sitting on wrought iron fleur-di-lis, shot from below, the metal pressing into her soft, photoshop-perfect skin. She is anonymous, mostly a silhouette of legs and shaved genitals, though it can be seen that she has a ring piercing in a sensitive place. I mentally wince, thinking of how easy it would be to get caught on things, but grin, looking at him, silently expecting an explanation, as that’s what such situations generally require. “It’s not mine, if you’ll believe it,” he replies to my amused face, “I would have fixed the aspect ratio.”

    It’s amazing the moments that feel like home. Because yes, I would have too.

    IF FOUND, PLEASE REPORT

    My asymmetrical purple fedora has vanished, lost somehow in the earliest hours of Boxing Day, most probably to the Metrotown parking lot. It was a fine hat, resilient, much loved, and my utter favourite, the best I’ve ever had. Already I miss it, along with the lovely feather fascinator attached to it that Sugar made me for my birthday. A moment of silence, please.

    Also mysteriously gone this year: The Scarf of True Love.