what I did today that did not involve leaving a trail of dead

I would love to work as a Funeral Home Attendant, but I lack a drivers license. This is disappointing somehow.

The Vancouver Lawn Tennis & Badminton Club is looking for a receptionist. In their advert, they claim it’s a “Fast-paced environment”.

However, a gelati shoppe is asking for counter attendants and there are few things better than daily take-home gelati left-overs as a summer perk.

Tonight is korean movie night.

It’s as if I have a disease and instead of my cells, it’s eating my personality.

I’m being paid to be a lesbian today. This sounds like I answered the sort of advert that lurks blank faced in the back of the newspaper, but the sky outside is dull dirty gray and repels my usual humour. Instead, as I wake, it reminds me of my tumbling stomach and the basic human need for food. I want to go tear out the throat of a rabbit and drink its life like an angsty neo-sapien. That I’m going to be paid to hit on girls in front of a camera isn’t really impacting. My hair is 80’s rock star huge and I’m trying to care enough to debate make-up. Which begs my asking if I even have any that’s appropriate. It’s unlikely. There’s tiny spots of blood crusted in my hair, which tell me I was wounded at some random point last night, there must be a cut somewhere, the company I was expecting for part way has abandoned me, I suspect that as an adult, I should get used to hit and run, and I’ve yet to have a proper meal in two days. Brush this off, however, I’m sure. I’m merely having a bad morning.

self reminder: bring SIN card to the set. If I forget, there might be problems.

I have that crippling fear of If I Leave the House Today I Will End Up in The Wrong Place. It’s vague, but it’s faintly irritating me. I’m going to blame emotional instability. It’s rare but when it hits, oh my stars and garters, does it pull deep. “The scary thing about you is that you mean to do all you’re doing.” I’m still not doing well. The brain is loathing all that hurt piling up. My heart isn’t as sturdy as I’m good at making it be. The damned world has been throwing me bones with splinters in. I don’t ask for anything fair, I ask there to be balance and redress. I ask that we try some before we refuse to buy on the basis of cold winter nights. It’s been a month since I was kept up at night by anyone interesting, I’m obviously failing at being young again. The youngest centennial, that isn’t me. I sit on the curb after getting out of the cab and speak words alone into warm early morning. Why is there nobody here? I’m always coming back to this box, but it’s not like there’s ever been anyone here.

a robot film, short
a robot film, dannybo(y/t)
a robot contest for the most impressive looking laser-wielding, earth destroying robot
a picture of a robot

Also, a partial explanation as to why Nicholas was continually declaiming Exeunt! on his Vancouver visit.

still can’t really walk, but I think tomorrow I can

Yesterday I download some new music and I’m fitting up a playlist. I scan my friends page while I’m waiting for some pictures to load while the Superphones launch into something slow and heavy, Deep Trip. Suddenly on refresh, Warren catches my eye. Everything he writes makes me remember. I just finished hunting down all these songs and putting them together. My year has been longer than I thought it was.

I’ve got red hair now, instead of the usual plum, and in my borrowed clothes, I look like someone’s military fantasy. Olive green, epaulets. I can’t help but wonder what there is wrong with me. I think that at this rate, by the time I’m twenty-five I’ll have seduced all my heroes and smashed all the walls I’m against now with such brilliance that my sky will frighten everyone I used to know and love.

Last night, the usual beautiful people arrived unexpected. Dominique and Ian arriving in the afternoon, (we were brave, we finally fried up Ray’s SPAM), followed by Andrew and Ian, then Matthew and Tyler with Patti and Simon. We put on Casshern eventually, my birthday present from James and it was beautiful. I wanted to dream like that in the night. Instead, there were push-pins in my bed this morning. I rolled over and pulled them in a row from my arm. I didn’t even ask why they were there. On-line Ellen tells me she’s hurt herself in bed and then the phone rings. I smile and tell the pretty people on the other end that profanity and lesbianism don’t bother me. Really. In a week or two it looks that I’m to be a background actor for a lesbian bar set in Chicago. Something called The L Word.

Sliding Images

I’m stuck downloading images to be turned into slides at someone’s house. Gah. Been here all day. It would have been so nice to go to a picnic instead. The only good thing so far has been the playlist on the itunes thingie I found. Now I’ve a bunch of music to go and try to download when I’m home from the http://thisiscorrosion.com/ playlist. *grins*

facing the music