oh, to stand tall, to stretch, to dream!

Things I Have Learned On My Summer Autumn Vacation 72 Hour Bus-Trip

  • If the bus contains a man who coughs with the sound of a wet rag being dragged through a dog, he will sit directly behind you.
  • Fresh fruits and vegetables do not exist. All food is fried.
  • All ice-cream parlours in Saskatchewan sell Fireworks.
  • People who Talk To Themselves are likely dangerous. Other good clues are an obsession with silly putty, matching camo-wear clothing and luggage, and unexpected children’s toys.
  • The Rocky Mountain glaciers are almost gone. This is incredibly scary.
  • Small towns contain odd statues of Big Things. They are not good Statues, or even interesting, they are merely odd.
  • Small towns only exist on the prairies as a tangential side-effect of the gravity around granaries.
  • There really is nothing for 50 miles in every direction.
  • Your Time will never be the same Time as when the bus leaves. And, in the same vein, breakfast is regularly at 4:10 in the morning.
  • Calgary smells like cinnamon.
  • Manitoba Bikers have progressed from being people who hit you with crowbars to people who dance to Barbie Girl in A&W parking lots.
  • Trees become exciting half-way across Canada.
  • Winnipeg becomes attractive under the threat of a Bus Strike.
  • Bus drivers are all jolly, except for that one exception to the rule. Even coffee does not help him.
  • Pin-ball machines are perpetually, mysteriously free.
  • Husky Station Restaurants remain the holy grail mecca of truck stop diners.