if things go bad, know I love all of you

I fell to my knees with a bloody nose in the shower this morning, overcome by dizziness. Beyond two potentially bruised knees, I seem to be okay now, if a little shaky. I went for a successful breakfast with Nicole, Lawrence and Christopher-Dan without any more medical anomalies, so I’m not really sure if I should be worried. Any ideas as to what it might have been?

Also, in unrelated news, the avian-swine flu I linked Warren to yesterday might turn out to be the next pandemic, only about two random genetic mutations away from wiping out 5% of human life on earth. Let’s hope it’s too virulent to survive, hey?

Reuters:

Tests have confirmed that eight New York City schoolchildren had a type A influenza virus, likely swine flu, city Health Commissioner Dr. Thomas Frieden said on Saturday.

BBC:

A new flu virus suspected of killing at least 60 people in Mexico has the potential to become a pandemic, the World Health Organization’s chief says.

On the ground:

I work as a resident doctor in one of the biggest hospitals in Mexico City and sadly, the situation is far from ’under control’… two of my partners who worked in this hospital (interns) were killed by this new virus in less than six days even though they were vaccinated as all of us were. The official number of deaths is 20, nevertheless, the true number of victims are more than 200…

“the dust has only just begun to form crop circles in the carpet”

The sunlight flares us into creatures made of dark, burned honey. We are tangled, metaphorically, literally. Marry me, he says, eyes on mine, searching past the layered blue stone for a seed, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. This feels like a moment I’ve lived before, somewhere out of reach, as solid as summer, as certain as a dream. Luckily, I reply, I’m already engaged, like a boyscout, always prepared.

Between our lines are novels unwritten, hammered into bone with pens of situational ink. (There is more to it than this, more and enough to break my heart.) He takes my hand, I will cover your fingers in rings, one by one, week by week, until you say yes. His hands gently trace his words in the air. Hang jewels from every part of your body, your fingers, your toes, your ears, your neck, wrists, and hair.

His fingerprints are warm on my collarbone, even after he’s taken his gesture away.

I only have one ear pierced, I laugh. Something I can fix, he smiles.

Anyone watching would think we’re in love. That we live together reigning as the pale sun and moon. Instead we are a melody heard over the rushing river sound of a freeway, a missed connection trying to find somewhere to stand on origami folded sand. Impossible. Improbable. All signs point to doomed.

How many weeks would that be? We are laughing again, our serious moment passed, submerged, allayed, alloyed. At least twenty-five. My toes curl into the grass of the park, pretending to glitter. Half a year of months. Our conversation launches itself into the sky. Who could wait that long? I would die. My head would explode, fall right off. I think of dandelions, ‘mama had a baby and her head popped off’, destruction, thumbs smaller than dimes.

upgraded from being an imaginary girlfriend to an interstitial wife


via the wooster collective: ‘Rest of the Writer’, from Laguna in Almagro, Spain

Lunch today was the sort of meal we all dream of when we’re six years old, a dish of thick tiramisu, the bottom chunk of a heavenly milk-chocolate easter rabbit, an entire roll of life saver candies, half a packet of Japanese strawberry chews, two bars of artisan chocolate, a Werther’s caramel hard candy, most of a bottle of vitamin water, (which didn’t fit into the theme at all except insomuch it was a silly colour), and thee, which was only one of you, so nevermind that part and concentrate on the glory that is candy. Just meditate on it for a minute, using the word Yum for Om. Yep. It was glorious. Now excuse me while I laugh at my pancreas, (and read up a bit on diabetes).

Galaxy’s centre tastes of raspberries and smells of rum

Attention Vancouver Bloggers

Short notice, yet totally awesome:

If you’re interested, we’re taking some bloggers around the BC Children’s Hospital today from 4 – 6pm. You are welcome to join us! It’s a behind-the-scenes tour. (Photos are most likely okay, but Children’s asked that it be at their discretion, depending on what the kids feel comfortable with.) Let me know if you’re in, and I’ll shoot you the details. grace.carter [at] invokemedia.com

(you’re only as sick as your secrets)

Forever’s Not So Long

365: 85 - 26.03.09
365: 85 – 26.03.09

“..the sound of children crying in their beds in the night because something is wrong with them that they can never fix and so they must be braver, better, stronger, fiercer.”
– Hal Duncan, INK

There are lessons in this world that I should have learned by now: when to assess and turn away, when to see fire for flame. Clockwise consequences with no interpretation flux. (As piano kicks in as quiet and soft as what’s trapped beneath my skin.) I can’t help but feel I’ve been here before, as the edges of me shatter, as I prove myself again a wire too twisted not to break. Breathing in, a taste, I lose myself, caught in sincerity, a line, netted in the sweet, staring colour of maybe this time will be okay, no matter that I know better, no matter that this story is old, older than any one of us can see or even read in hard fossil beds, and I know all the endings, hungry, bruised, have been all the endings, myself a creature that doesn’t remember what being in love feels like, and have hated them. Breathing out, the pressure drops, leaving only anger screaming at myself, you ruin me, (us against the world, heart-breaking, and only for children too young to question myths), and I splinter, a massacre holding in what I can, as the pieces scatter, as sharp as my hopeless tongue, as defensive as a mirror, as iron unhappy as silence between friends. I think of my heart as being pierced, the truth that drove the boy Kay to run away with the Snow Queen, as the cold wraps me up, as my throat closes thick and my eyes sting shut, hollowing me clean, draining my blood corrosive of everything I need.

I have three tickets, one for me, one for David, one for Nicole

Chris Gilpin sent a message to the members of “The Vancouver Poetry Slam Finals featuring Shane Koyczan”:

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Subject: Saturday is the last day of online ticket sales!

Saturday (that’s today!) is the last day of advance online ticket sales for Finals Night on Monday at the Rio Theatre. Demand has been greater than anticipated, and tickets are going fast. To get yours, go to

http://vancouverpoetryhouse.com/vanslam/153/

As of midnight tonight, we’ll be shutting down the online advance ticket sales, which are only $11, and you’ll have to pay $15 at the door.

And hey! did you see the feature article that the Vancouver Sun put out on our feature performer for Finals Night, Shane Koyczan:
http://www.vancouversun.com/story_print.html?id=1462404&sponsor=

He’s kind of big deal. Just sayin’. You really will be kicking yourself if you miss this show.
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