much obliged?

I’ve just recieved a puzzling e-mail, (and by just, I mean I’ve only just now fished it out of my junk mail, where it has been languishing a couple of days), claiming to be from Her Majesty the Queen. Anyone want to fess up who sent it? I haven’t replied, in spite of the grandly amusing address of e_rex@monarchy, at the risk it is very clever spam, rather than a friend having a bit of a laugh.

FROM: Elizabeth Windsor
SUBJECT: Not an unwanted missive, we hope.

“Dearest Jhayne,

We just wanted to take a moment to say that we have been much entranced with your joie de vive. Pray continue to seize life in your teeth and shake if for all that it is worth.

Much delight,

Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God, of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and of Her other Realms and Territories Queen, Scourge of the Seas, Defender of the Fates, so mote it be!”

We’ve been making our own all week

Miss Cellania found a Washington Post feature called Merge-Matic Books, where two-best-sellers are mixed into one. Here’s some examples, click the link to see them all:

“Machiavelli’s The Little Prince” – Antoine de Saint-Exupery’s classic children’s tale as presented by Machiavelli. The whimsy of human nature is embodied in many delightful and intriguing characters, all of whom are executed.

“Lorna Dune” – An English farmer, Paul Atreides, falls for the daughter of a notorious rival clan, the Harkonnens, and pursues a career as a giant worm jockey in order to impress her.

“Fahrenheit 451 of the Vanities” – An ’80s yuppie is denied books. He does not object, or even notice.

“Planet of the Grapes of Wrath” – Astronaut lands on mysterious planet, only to discover that it is his very own home planet of Earth, which has been taken over by the Joads, a race of dirt-poor corn farmers who miraculously developed rudimentary technology and evolved the ability to speak after exposure to nuclear radiation.

because I forgot to say yesterday

The always brilliant tikiking has started a new arty comic blog called my_ugly_truth:

It’s really quite entertaining. As an aside, his stunningly adorable daughter has the same birthday as the my friend Larry does.

For those not in the know, Larry’s the brain behind Sinister Bedfellows:

Go give them both a one day belated happy birthday.

I should like tigers, not ponies.

A group of Social Elite out for a rousing spot of entertainment at The Banshee, Cedar Estates, Smegma-Upon-The-Rise, England

(L, Red) Sir Geoffrey Dupont-Beevers, OBE: A part-time druid and ex-Dundee callboy, Sir Dupont-Beevers received his OBE from Her Majesty in 1995 after successfully buggering a sasquatch. Now has plans to go in search of the Loch Ness monster with a specially outfitted rowboat. Much loved by the Welsh People.

(L, in Gray) Amorus Pye: American born and bred; educated at Eton, expelled for an unfortunate misunderstanding about the concept of ‘fagging.’ Now runs a highly successful chain of bordellos in Prague. Goes through fifteen polo ponies a month as a result of his rampant taste for virgin horseflesh. Thankfully Single.

(L, Back, Hiding) Adm. Gregory Japiro (retd): Achieved high honours in Her Majesty’s Navy of Sodomy; has retired from public service due to painful canker sores and burn marks on scrotum. Now spends his days hiding in bathing houses at Bexhill-Upon-Sea and groping eighty year old pensioners in striped bathing suits.

(Center, blonde hair, holding Mallet) Lord Ffredricton Ghastly-Finch: The only person in this group who is listed in DeBrett’s Peerage, Lord Ghastly-Finch is the current owner of the Banshee, Cedar Estates, and is the only person in the history of the United Kingdom to be expelled from a seating of the House of Lords for performing Unseemly Acts while the House was in session. Currently married to Lady Ghastly-Finch (nee Twatillary), Lord Ghastly-Finch has also been linked romantically with everybody else in the picture.

Lord Ghastly-Finch is seen here with his famous mallet, Gooley-Swatter. Normally kept under glass in Bath, the mallet is not in fact used for playing croquet, but rather is designed for Impacting against the Butler’s Testicles.

(Center, back, hiding, wearing spectacles) Lord Ghastly-Finch’s manservant, Armadillo. Amongst the many, various and depraved services that he performs for his lordship, Armadillo is charged with breaking up the pustules on his lordship’s buttocks with a small hammer every evening after dinner.

(right, black hat) Lady Ghastly-Finch: prior to marriage to his Lordship, Lady Ghastly-Finch was primarily known for eating an Australian opera singer. When interviewed by the press, she said that she found him fatty and unpleasant, and that in any case she didn’t think that she could finish a full one again. Her current project is said to involve hunting down, killing, and then smoking, Mick Jagger.

(right, red hair, fan): Ms. Serpentia Hackorypunk: in close competition with J. K. Rowling as Britain’s best-selling author after her debut novel, “Buttocks In Flames”, won ninety-five literary awards, sold over 5.9 million copies, and was heralded by The Guardian as “… a sick, degraded, wretched horror of a novel, and besides which, most of the things the people do in this book are impossible anyway.”

Likes ponies. Really likes ponies. Recently broke up with Seamus O’Seamus, her lover of five years and the man voted as Ireland’s least eligible bachelor, after he complained to the press that she had broken his anal sphincter into at least three pieces.

(far right, dreadlocks): Clarisse (nee Claude) Dubois, Britain’s best loved transsexual singer. Following a successful gender reassignment surgery, Clarisse launched a multi-platinum record career after achieving media fame for ripping out Victoria Beckham’s uterus and forcing her to eat her now disused genitals at a nightclub in Soho. In this picture, Ms. Dubois is wearing a pair of stockings dating back to at least 1440, and reportedly ejaculated into by a pubescent Charles II during the reign of James I. Reportedly dating Boy George.

(bottom) Sir Tyler Reginald-Mountsworthy: tonight’s entertainment. But he doesn’t know it yet.

— excerpt from “Who’s Who in Amoral Perversion”, 2005 Edition

copyright Nicholas mad_and_crazy

do you ever get the feeling? (time runs faster on-line)

The Flickr Hot Tags yesterday were all related to England. The list ran something like “londonbomb, londonbombblasts, explosions, london, blasts” etcetera.

Today they are, in order, sextaposer, sexta, sflickr, furryfriday, swoon, and then londonbombings.

Obviously, there is something inferred here of which I am unawares but unwilling to click on to find out. You do it. It might be innocent.

As an apology, here’s an android portrait of Phillip K. Dick.

Also, a picture of a young girl petting a trouser ferret.

bring out yer dead

Just in time to go with that previous post on Zombies, Vancouver is about to join the fun!

Get out the oatmeal and liquid latex, ’cause the day of reckoning is nigh!

That’s right! Zombiewalk Vancouver 2005! . . .!

Tentatively Saturday August 27, 3pm
Starting from “somewhere horribly frightening” a horde of living dead will stumble en masse towards Mountain View Cemetery on Fraser St.

The zombie walk will end with a picnic in the graveyard – bring your friends and family and eat them in the park!

There is possibility of a post-apocalypse zombie-jamboree hoe-down to follow.
If you have the inclination to do so, please let me know of your zombie wants, needs, desires and offerings – contributions of ideas, zombie related music/films/performance (preferably from the brains of participating zombies), food (scavenged, hunted, incubated or otherwise), your presence (zombies are only really effective when gathered in
large groups. everyone knows that), general good will, etc.

Pass this on to anyone else you know who might be interested.

More engaging imagery + useful information to follow.


further reading:

As well, the Media-splat night has been planned. Friday, July 22nd, 8:30 pm. Bring a short bit of visual media, something you really like, may it be a commercial or a music video of a scene from a film. Whatever. Drop me a line for directions.