an edited conversation – my side

I think I’m evil for everyone, actually, but don’t remember this particular thing coming up

well, not with you perhaps

it may just be a theme of mine continuing along softly these days

I’ve been feeling very very lonely while being surrounded by people who care about me

It’s an odd dichotomy

and it makes me uncomfortable, but I remember life being a little like this before

before I had something to hide behind, I had a lover back east

now it’s just me, alone, facing people who want to hold sway. have dominion, share flesh and feelings

ah – but see – that us

I don’t know which us there is or wcould be or that I might even want or that you desire

I’ve been very uncertain lately. How many of my desires have been real or imagined. I’ve been deciding they’re all artifacts of the void. The not having someone makes me want someone.

I don’t think that’s fair to inflict on anyone

if it helps, I have these sudden urges to throw myself upon someone, to savage them and have my way with them, but, really – how much of that is true? Yes, there is that clenching surge of want, but I know it’s idealized desires.

you’re going to likely have a much easier time of it

at the moment, I can’t even know how to which extent I like people or desire them or anything even related to such interactions

how much is flirtatious fiction?
is there even anything to get caught up in?
I don’t know if I want to, I wouldn’t know if it were honest

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