Day: April 28, 2005

I’m to be at the airport tomorrow by one. This is manageable. I’ve so far no destination planned for when I arrive at ten, but I will hopefully have more solid plans later tonight. Company to the planefields would be appreciated muchly, as would company in the morning. There’s no ride arranged as of yet and I don’t know if anyone’s staying over tonight. I’m going to try and do my best but one person’s not returning phonecalls and everyone else is secondary. This is partially why I think I’m draining my bank account to bone dollar and fifty cents dry to escape this place. Spontaneity or death.

This wondering if I’m going to make it tastes like fear. There’s no logic here, not really. It’s a little bit crazy, spur of the moment, and that’s why I like it. That’s why I want it to work. I’m not getting what I need here, or at least not from sources I can drink from without tainting them with lead chip lips. The reasons people are ascribing to my sudden departure are the wrong ones, it’s almost as simple as somebody asked me to leave. This is skinned knees waiting to be kissed better and finding instead an airport. It’s not even like someone has replaced me, it’s only clumsiness and a total lack of understanding. I need the right words now spoken at the exact precise right time and it’s not about to happen. There should be a protest or at least a little bit of I’m going to miss you. I need to matter again. I need to remember that I can, that there are possibilities all the time and everywhere that I would never think of.

if there’s anyone in toronto or if you even know of a place to stay, please drop me a line. my flight leaves tomorrow afternoon

I just need to breathe through another day. I have the hours and day and weeks all lined ahead of me to knock over one by one by two and three. Another day won’t be too many. I miss you.

The machine is true but made of silk and strands of story. True moments of You have Just Explained Me. It doesn’t mean love when somebody understands you, but I don’t think it matters here. I have a shirt that carries you on it. That protects it from the laundry bin as if it were a pile of flaming fire spikes.

Dee, Where are my socks?

I’m still looking for airfare. Today I’ve a meeting at work, then for Three I’m meeting with Silva. It’s Passover, so I don’t know what’s happening with that. Dinner may not be happening. I should have spent a moment last night to research, but instead I walked from having Alicia over to trying to catch the fire-spinners with Chris. We’d only just missed them, but apparently so had Adrian and A.J. At ten I’m meeting with Bill for coffee. I think after that is when I’m free again to scour flights. This is getting freeing and irritating all at once. I need to get out of here.