you’d think I would have figured this out sooner, but no

Let me measure this in ancient yellow string.

The length about my finger. Reminding me, the ticking clock. I’m wasting time, it’s sorrowful.

&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp So one day I see him and another day I don’t. The mental pull that tells my body what tasks, what tasks do I do now, what tasks, oh his feather and face, his body is warm, better than mine when we’re together, it. Skip, fast forward, the inside of my need is black. How shameful, this tense coil spring around my. Skip, pull on me. Want me too. Do this, believe.

How far around the palm of my hand. Open as conductivity, the electrical sound of that slap.

&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp And every day I can’t stop thinking.

I think I love you.

It’s a good thing they can’t see inside of my head. This shift of weight, it’s guilty, heavy with barbed moments of lucidity. Memory, armor, that little touch of wet tongue to the tip of my. Skip. This devil in me bought with hurting too much, with being too old for all my age, for never getting to just relax.

The distance around my fist.

He didn’t mean to hit me. I didn’t mean to hit him. It was instinctive like the setting sun. Defend.

&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp So I come back to this window, fascinated by unfamiliar fear. I want to be brought in from the cold, but I am terrified to pluck at the blanket. Other side of the glass, I turn and look outside, my vision crowded with every possibility. That one was a drunk, he might be dead. That one, he was ruined when I found him. That one, I was never as interesting as he was. That one, and this one, ten in all. Too far away, oh my bleeding heart. Even a child can count to ten. Even a girl like me.

I’m scared of my second paragraph.