So I’ve decided it’s time to try and land a husband. Does anyone have any tips? I’ve been doing my best to memorize the Social Issues Resource Centre’s Guide to Flirting, but I’m not sure about what other sorts of presentation I should go for. The ceremonial make-up for instance. It’s all well and good to know which direction to tilt your eyes, but if I don’t know what colours to paint them, what good will it do me? Where do you go to learn that stuff? Are there courses? Or is a mother-daughter kind of thing? Or should I go to a priest? The rabbit fur brushes felt heavenly soft, but I took a peek at an eye-lash curler in the temple this morning, damn thing looked like a torture instrument from a high school play, too over-the-top to take seriously. And then there’s clothes. Always clothes. They’re such a riot of language. What best says, “I’m responsible, but a minx in the sack”? I’d hate to come across the wrong way with a bit of mis-placed plaid. It’s like skirts, all the holy books say that short skirts are effective skirts, but how do you keep your knees from freezing?