Bwahaha. Even at four in the morning, am I both the only human on the planet who can edit to 200 words or use HTML because Holy Hell people, WE ARE INTERNET USERS – WTF?
Also: After being made of madness for a week, I’m laughing myself silly for having made the first post. It’s not what I stayed awake for.
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Gavin has left. About an hour ago I bid him goodbye at the door. I feel hollow now. I’ve come back into myself in time for him to leave. My piece came last night and freed me. I feel like my personality’s been downloaded back into flesh. I can feel my smiles. It’s like I’ve been robbed. It could have been a better week, it could have had love and affection and desire. We did what we did. We did well with what we had. I can feel him still, he hasn’t left the city. My mind sees him skinny by the road, his black hoodie up against the weather. The sky looks as if it’s been erased with a cheap rubber, dark gray smear as if there was once graphite text scrawled messily across cloud. It’s filthy rain today, nothing clean. He’s too old to hitchhike, but it’s happening. He’s on a bus now, maybe looking out the window. Out to Abbotsford, out to the highway proper. It’s over when I feel him gone. It’s over when he’s gone.
Over being a relative concept.
I can feel myself slipping into post-modern relationship. Time-share serious masquerade. The concept firmly implanted when I was too exhausted to argue. He does it on purpose, I swear. “No overlap and you’re fine”. Dominique’s going to pin me to the wall. “All he has to do is leave town” I’m thinking it’s a good idea. I’m thinking it’s what’s going to happen.
I’m thinking….. maybe finally yes.