amber on pale

Irma’s quote of the day: “I don’t know why people put drugs in thier arms when it feels so very good when you just squish them”

We watched Plunkett & Macleane today and I was reminded about just how much I love the Tiger Lillies and the Talking Heads. I love having a playlist with both intermixed with perhaps a few random Catherine Wheel tunes. Eat My Dust you Insensitive Fuck maybe or Judy Staring at the Sun with Our House in the Middle of Our Street.

Such an odd artform, the playlist order and mix. Sounds have to shift properly, sudden surprises and slow burn fades like liquid metal. This one ends in drumroll, this one starts with chimes, now I need one with thundering voices and de sotto cello. This is a warm up tune, gaining rhythym as it hits the beat. I want one next that makes the girl feel like kissing the dragon. Taking its smokey head and touching lips to that burning mouth.

Mmmmmm, like raining or seeing me cry glittering tears in sunlight. Honey on skin. Amber on pale. Time for the coda, then BREAK. Close your eyes for just a moment and feel it twist your shoulders. The head tilts with these notes, it’s involuntary. Thoughts flying so far away, but close enough to touch, to tingle. Oh, oh, ohhh oh, that feeling of water on the face, salty and stinging and full of fresh sticky freedom. I love the sounds you make.

not crying yet

Woke depressed today. Pressed down and emptied. My people are vanishing one by one by one. Apparently I don’t know how to care for some properly, others in the right way. No-one telling me anything in time for the fact. Then there’s the very few who don’t want to leave, but must. I’ve got something I don’t know about the world, and I like that, but not this morning. This morning is hard. Difficult. Weight is filling my lungs to the point where I don’t want to breathe. I rise from continuously waking, reaching out for someone who isn’t there, to my fathers increasingly disturbing letters. This is not what I need when I’m bloody and bleeding.

I could call out now, but you would not come.