is you is or is you ain’t

To further increase the general oddity that has been my living lately – tonight I’m going to a goth housewarming. One imagines bringing black candles, though alas and woe the dollarstores are closed by now. Oh dreaded be this symphony of lackadaisical timing. Wait. Lackadaisical isn’t very goth, is it. Okay – Dank timing. Dank mouldering timing. Timing what rots inside skulls of dead poets. The wind it doesn’t howl to mark this doomed hour. This doomed and bleak hour of dried fragrant roses and black feathery wings.

Yeah – I’m so not dressing up.

So the world has done it’s little turn of a million miles an hour and the sun is setting. Soon it will be closed in again. Freedom in the air as well as fall. The taste of the air says no more. The summer is gone, the leaves will fall and the rain will pour down again and soon. I want to walk on the ocean, touch my feet to the water and float. Step on the stones there. I want there to be music and I want there to be people I’ve never met. People don’t own me but my ties to them do. I don’t have vision and so I respect it so much it burns. This fire that I can only see but not hold. Everything feels so far away but the smiles. The smiles are here. I carry them. Owned by this flesh, this face can sculpt again. Thinking of the little things. Inflection, the reflections. I can’t take a bad picture. The road tonight will have giggling girls. I’ll know her a bit better and her. I can carry that, I can embrace it. Feel this giddy joy that only comes under streetlights these days. Sweetness.

Nothing else all day but talk with people born to stare. It’s more than I need. It’s somehow a blessing, the people in my life. Unreality, like living in a television set. Wave and watch myself wave back. This building is a false front, didn’t you know? It’s all gone, the world. Now we’ll give you more than you thought you had. Because we can, because we like you. You’re invisible. I feel like flying. Any minute now I’ll jump and I will not land.

Pity my fish is dying.

i susually like chemists

fuck. fucker spiked me with opium…. not exactly what i was planning when i crashed a neighborhood party. nothing ot do, spent a day waiing i ntime to be stood up. i lit a lantern and went for a walk. wit’s friday night – who’s goin got not like a bareffott girl in a tophat with a lantern… i pegged the guy when i showed up – the long bearrded older guy who’d be fascinated with me. christ. turnsd out the bastard was a chemist. it’s hitting right this damned second. so glad I got out of there before thisd. so pure it hurts to look at the screen. people are on-line with me right now. I took far far too much, I shouldn’t sleep. breathing supporessant. chrsit. typing is reallly really hard right now. is there anyone else up? he put a slab the size of my paml in the tea. not elthal, i give it  ten hours but christ. i have to stay up for a few hours. i have work at noon. I’m going to read this tomorrow and cringe painfully. now I’m an idiot blpbger who can’t spell, soesn’t use punctuation aand it typing on drugs. ghods – may his hands get caught in his next lab exlposion. ahappy it was only one c\up. he gave me two twists of it, wel – little brwon balls that I tuned into twists with a recipt off someone. that’s it. i’m hitting the post button. it’s been an hour, if I was going to be in serious trbloue, i wloud be already. now to fend off apnea. fuck. I should have just accetped that i was stood up for the fifht tiem this montrh. heh. night lovelies. talk to me if you’re arond.