Day: June 16, 2004

because an orange glow landscape is still worth stopping for

I woke with a lightning flash of pain. A large truck went by, thundering, and I wondered half-asleep if it were Andrew at the wheel. I made the mistake of trying to stretch out. Bad bad move. I have black bruises on my ankles. Never a good sign. I suppose I must resign myself to hobbling aournd a bit today. No grace for this little girl, not on the agility end.  I woke content though.
      Fed wtih answers and understanding, I am content.
My brains belly needing no quest, no searching for things I don’t know. Not yet.

e.e. cummings – dying is fine)but Death

dying is fine)but Death

?o
baby
i

wouldn’t like

Death if Death
were
good:for

when(instead of stopping to think)you

begin to feel of it,dying
‘s miraculous
why?be

cause dying is

perfectly natural;perfectly
putting
it mildly lively(but

Death

is strictly
scientific
& artificial &

evil & legal)

we thank thee
god
almighty for dying
(forgive us,o life!the sin of Death

the sound of water and the dark curl of your hair

I swept away the honey coating of skin tonight to uncover pain. Sweet
abandoning myself to walking. One step after another, walking, caught
in eachother. Words, phrases. I’m changing my reflection to something a
little more knowing. We argue, but agree while we’re at it. Send me
away and I’ll only want to know you more. Upside down and inside in. I
think it’s going away.

Hollowed of everything but the inablilty to take another step, I only
started falling at Grandview Park.. Too far, and though no scrapes to
show, I know I will have bruises. Down the Drive, then up it, and
halfway back again. The film was lovely, wonderful. Vignettes collected
beautifully over years. Sparks of brilliance shining through rough cuts
and purposefully harsh editing. I will tell certain people to see it
and will seek it out when if for sale. Afterwards, the park, the
sunset. People smiling; kites. I feel I talk too much, but then again,
I will selfconcious for a very first time. Sincerly, a tell me why? The
ocean. And answers. Words, trilling only because I hear them as such.
Laughter underwater, under thoughts, made of truth. Perhaps I will
spend that time. Perhaps I will say Yes finally, though a doubt asks if
only it must be one of my only remaining fears.

Desire carries consequence.
can i dare that responsibility

It was too far to walk to Main street from English Bay. Continuing
forward I could feel the bones. Picturing the piston shift movement of
the undercarriage. Joints and justice. I will feel this tomorrow and be
lucky if I do not feel it tonight.